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Family models have changed. Dad, mom and children are no longer the only clans that make up society. Today, babies and children share class with families whose parents are separated, are single parents or of the same sex. In fact, in Spain, every four female couples (28%) and every ten every three male couples (9%) have children, according to the 'Homoparental Families' study.
This family diversity, which has contributed enormously to assisted reproduction techniques, is that, without the donation of gametes or artificial insemination, for example, some of the new family models could not be carried out.
One of these assisted reproduction techniques is the ROPA method, which allows the participation of two women in achieving pregnancy.
One of them provides the ovules and the other receives the embryos and will carry out the pregnancy and childbirth.
This was the option of Laura and Laura, a lesbian couple who became mothers to their little Julia at the end of last year. In this week of celebration after International Pride Day (June 28), we talked to them about motherhood, what it has meant for them to be about how society, little by little, normalizes these other family models.
Did you always know that you wanted to be mothers?
Yes, we were always clear that we wanted to start a family together, it was our greatest wish. We have always felt the need to transmit our love and our values, and what better way to do it than creating new lives.
Did you know the ROPA method? Was it your first choice?
Yes, we knew him. We learned about the method for the first time a few years ago, and we began to look for information, to document ourselves and to meet more families of two mothers who had done it. We fell in love with the idea that we could both participate actively in the gestation process.
It was our first option, but not the only one, because above all what it clearly uses is that we wanted to be mothers regardless of the way. Include our planted a possible adoption.
When you communicated to your family, friends, that you wanted to be mothers… what did they tell you?
They were very happy, because everyone knew the desire they would always use, we even imagined what our children would be like. The pandemic meant that we had to delay it for a year, because we would need to predict starting the process in 2020, but it was not until January 2021 that we began to visit several reproduction clinics in Seville.
How did you decide who provided the eggs and who received the embryos?
It was something that he also used very clearly, as long as the medical tests confirmed our decision. We analyze the quality of the ovules and the ovarian reserve. My wife, Laura, was also very excited about getting pregnant and she had always said »she wanted our child to carry my genes and look like me, and have my curls!«.
Tell me a little about the whole process: from those first medical tests to getting pregnant. How did you experience it?
Our experience has been wonderful, although we have had many moments of uncertainty. Once they changed us for the ROPA method, it would be clear that it would be in Ginemed, since since we went to the first consultation with Dr. Elena Traverso we liked the close treatment and the trust that our patients transmitted.
We started the tests to analyze which of the two had more ovarian reserve, and once it was confirmed that I would be the donor, I started with the hormone treatment and punctures. It was all very fast and easy. Since we started with the tests, in less than 2 months I had already undergone the ovule puncture, and 5 days later, the transfer of a very good quality embryo.
We remember it with great enthusiasm and hope that it would turn out well, but also with a lot of uncertainty and fear, since since the puncture is performed, we call you daily for the next five days to inform you of the evolution of the ovules that are going to be better For transfer.
On the other, the beta hope, since it is known as the period that elapses from the transfer until you confirm whether you are pregnant or not, 10 eternal days. But finally that day came, and we got the biggest news we had ever received in our lives. When we remember it, we still get emotional today.
How was the moment of delivery? Were you together?
The day of delivery we recorded it with great enthusiasm. Julia, which is what our daughter is called, really wanted to be born and she was 4 weeks early, breaking the bag on December 7th. When we arrived at the hospital and our suspicions were confirmed, that Julia had broken the bag, they told us that in 24 hours maximum she would be born. There we looked at each other and we knew that that would be the last day in our lives that we would be two. The day was very intense, we lived it at all times together without separating for a minute. In addition, we were caught in the middle of the omicron wave, so no family member could be with us.
The birth was natural and I remember it perfectly. How Julia came out and how she looked at us from the first minute of her life with those eyes that have us in love more than six months later.
What are your experiences or what do they tell you when they know that you are the two couples and mothers in habits as common as going to the doctor, or when you went to check-ups at the gynecologist, at school or nursery school...? It is true that it is increasingly common to see parents of the same sex, but perhaps it is still surprising or not (I don't know, tell me based on your experience) finding yourself with two mothers.
Yes, it is clear that society is more aware of the different types of families, there is nothing in the media, in series, in movies, in advertising, in the educational system... But there is still a long way to go, especially in more conservative sectors. Also in the bureaucracy, where we have found some obstacle with certain procedures, such as registration in the Civil Registry or the nursery form, which has not yet been adapted to the new laws and father and mother continue to appear.
There are also people who, when they see the three of us walking together, do not believe that we are a couple and that she is our daughter, we think we are friends... On some occasion, when we have gone together, they have asked us which of the two was the mother and we We look at each other and always answer at the same time: “we are both mothers”. There are some people who have asked us for forgiveness and others who have been surprised.
But even so, if we look back, not so many years ago the law to legalize homosexual marriage was produced in Spain, in 2005.
We have to keep moving forward so that free love can be a right throughout the world, so we want to take this opportunity to thank the ABC newspaper and Ginemed, for giving us this window where we can share our story and be an example for many other couples.
Motherhood for you… what has it meant? Hard? Better than you expected?
Although it sounds like a cliché, for us it has been the best thing that has happened to us. It is true that it changes your life, but for the better. And it is also true that there are times when you have bad nights, that you already live in constant worry, but when you wake up and see how your daughter looks at you and smiles, you think that nothing in the world can go wrong. When you create life with the person you want to share the rest of your life with, this is the biggest decision you can make. Our lives have changed, but for the better.
And your little one, how is he? Will you talk to him about the diversity of families out there?
Our daughter is a super happy baby, she is laughing all day. Julia is 6 and a half months old, and she has not yet had the chance to ask us why she has two mothers, but we are clear about how we will explain it to her and that we will make her listen to all the types of families that exist and in which one she is going to grow up.
Do you think to repeat?
Yes, we love children and we have more frozen eggs, so it is clear to us that we will repeat and that we will give Julia another little brother.
This is the Clothes method: the solution for women who want to be mothers
We spoke with Dr. Pascual Sánchez, co-founder and medical director of Ginemed, to learn more about this option.
What is the ROPA methodology?
The ROPA method (Reception of Ovules of the Couple) is a reproductive technique for couples of women who wish to descend with the participation of both: one lays the ovum, with its genetic material, and the other carries out the gestation, with all the participation epigenetics that this implies. It is a modality of great involvement of the two women with the offspring.
To perform the synchronization of the menses of both, working in parallel:
• On the one hand, it performs the ovarian stimulation process on mothers until the follicles are mature enough to be extracted. This process only takes about 11 days.
• At the same time, the other mother prepares her uterus so that the endometrium develops correctly. In this way, we achieve that the development of the embryos, obtained from fertilizing the ovules with the semen of a donor, is synchronized with the endometrial maturation. Finally, the embryos are transferred to the maternal uterus, generally in the blastocyst stage, so that the gestation is implanted there.
In which cases is it recommended?
This technique is usually ideal for couples of women with a spirit of sharing and a desire for offspring. The best conditions occur when the woman who is going to carry the eggs is young and has a good ovarian reserve, and when the state of the uterus of the woman who is going to gestate is optimal, and she is in good general health.
In any case, doctors do not usually work in ideal conditions, and sometimes we have to adapt to other conditions that are not the most favorable medically, and in which, with the appropriate treatment, we also achieve pregnancy.
What is your success rate?
As we have commented, it depends on the conditions of the two women, fertility is the sum of several conditions:
• On the one hand, we have the oocyte factor, which is assessed taking into account the possibility of implantation of the embryo, the age of the woman, and the reserve and quality of the ovules, which in turn depends on the hormonal conditions of the woman in the that the development of the follicle from which we are going to extract the ovules is going to take place.
• On the other hand, there is the gestational factor, which depends on the state of the uterus and its endometrium, and the health conditions of the woman, which by affecting the process of implantation of the embryo in the uterus and the development of pregnancy.
• The third factor is the donor's semen: the center's reproduction laboratory must guarantee that it is of optimum quality.
Therefore, we can say that the results depend, as in other assisted reproduction treatments, on the conditions of the couple, not on the technique used. If conditions are optimal, pregnancy can be started on the first attempt in more than 80% of cases.
